Just a little fun for those who hate Wednesdays (or Tuesday nights). I suppose I should add some sort of a disclaimer to this note. Well if I must. The following list is just one among an infinite amount of possibilities. I admit it; it’s a parody of the stereotypes and is undoubtedly wildly off base. If it offends anyone, grow a damn funny bone would you? Life’s a whole lot more bearable if you can laugh at yourself now and then.
They say that music can do many things. It can bring back fond memories of your childhood. It can make your heart swell (hopefully not literally) with love for that special someone. It can stir your passions and, why yes, it can make you hornier than a jackrabbit on oyster flavored steroids (or is that just me?).
Personally I’m not into the music during thing (not when there are so many other more pleasurable things to focus on), but everyone has at least one song that gets them into the mood. Come on, you know it’s true. But what does your taste in ‘happy’ music say about your boudoir style? A lot actually.
Sappy Love Songs:
If you don’t have a fantasy which involves a fireplace, a deserted beach or a moonlit stroll I’m going to pour some ketchup on my left shoe and eat it. Quickies aren’t for you. Oh no. You require gentle caresses and staring into each others’ eyes. You’re also prone to spontaneous bursts of tears afterwards because it was just soooo good. You’re probably the only one who has a box of tissues next to their edible body oil.
For you, sex is all about the spiritual connection (although nowadays love beads can take on a whole new meaning…but that’s another story). The deal can only be sealed if your auras are compatible. You believe in freedom of all types, including sexual, and are likely to enjoy experimentation…up to point. Gags and nipple clamps probably don’t appeal to your sense of harmony, or your desire to make a first aid kit a part of your sexual repertoire.
You’re laid back when it comes to matters of the libido. It’s not that the destination isn’t important. It’s just that you like to savor the long route there. You most likely have been called a tease at least once, and you revel in it. There’s nothing better than making a woman beg, and beg she shall if you have any say in it. Just be careful that she doesn’t turn the tables. Oh wait, you like that…so that’s what those silk scarves were for…
You probably don’t mind a little Ecstasy with your ecstasy. You’re the impatient type. You want it now and you have to get it now. No bed available? No problem. As long as there’s a wall, or a table, or a staircase, or…well…anything really. Good thing you have a lot of stamina so you can go all night. Hopefully your partner does as well or your intensity is going to wear her out pretty quickly.
R. Kellyesque Fare (yes, I made up a word):
You don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump, and certainly not a little grind. Hopefully you’re sticking to the legal age limit, unless you’re dying to make that prison fantasy a reality. You tend to be more of a giver than a taker. For you it’s all about your partner. If she’s not happy then you’re not happy, and you tend to take that absence personally. You’re versatile though and willing to be nice and slow or hard and fast…whatever it takes.
The heights of orgasmic bliss cannot truly be reached without a ladder of reefer, Mary Jane (the plant, not the woman) or whatever you choose to call it. Hey, nobody’s judging…especially with that whole lowered inhibitions thing. Who doesn’t love that? You love love. You love sex. You pretty much love everything right about now, and you’re not afraid to show it over and over again…for as long as coherency lasts.
Rock ‘N Roll:
Handcuffs? Sure. Hot wax? Hell yeah. Sex while getting a tattoo? Kinky (and a bit tricky), but why not? If it feels good, you’ll do it. And how do you know if it feels good unless you’ve tried it? Your sex drawer (you know you have one) would make most people (those that don’t work in the sex industry that is) blush, but that’s fine by you. You don’t like being bound by social conventions anyway. Not that you have anything against actually being bound, except maybe the chafing.