Author: rdwylder


Someone is there, watching me. I can feel their presence. I’ve felt it for the past few days, but I haven’t caught even a glimpse of anyone. I should be scared, but I’m not. I don’t understand. Am I losing my mind? Has the disease that has ravaged my body made its way to my head? I can’t think anymore. I need some air. God, this place is beautiful. There’s something wild and untouched…what was that? I could have sworn I heard a noise, but there’s nothing there. My mind is playing tricks on me again. Or is it? There are hands around me…strong hands…comforting hands. I look down. Yet again, there is nothing there. But the feeling remains. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel a hot breath on my neck. I arch into it and warm lips are pressed against my skin. I feel a shudder run through my body. I want more. I start to turn and……. I was jolted awake by the sudden stop of the carriage and may have fallen from my seat had it not been for my father’s steadying hand. I waved off his look of concern with a smile that did not reach my eyes. I did not want to be here. I was a child of London and I missed the noise and the bustle. Since the onset of...

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Forget Me

Forget me. I know it won’t be difficult for you to do. You’re already half way there. I’m not sure what happened But I have my suspicions. Did you think I wanted more than I did? I do not love you. I have never loved you. Such things are beyond my capabilities, Broken vessel that I am. Most do not see it. Most believe I am something I am not. Perhaps that was why you mistook Me being me As an expression of interest. I will admit to being intrigued By the idea of loving And being loved. I know my limitations though, And I know when an idea must remain just an idea. I am foolish in a lot of ways, But not nearly foolish enough to believe That I have anything to offer. I cannot offer compromise. I have been alone too long to chance unsettling my ways. I cannot offer intimacy. I have always shied away from human touch. I cannot offer tenderness. I am often rough with my affections. I cannot offer love. I do not believe in it. What then did you assume I was offering you? You could have had my hand in friendship. Instead you chose to pull away Without so much as a word of warning. It’s not the first time. It won’t be the last. I’ve gotten used to my...

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They say the night hides a multitude of sins. Can it hide ours darling? Or is desire destined to find daylight? I don’t need lessons in morality from you. I know it’s right. I feel it’s right. But the things I want to do to you… Oh, they’re so wrong. I need to teach you lessons of an entirely different kind. Would that shock you, I wonder? Would you step back and look away? I think you may surprise yourself. You know you want me. You know I’ve seen the glances you’ve been sending my way. You know I know when you turn back to look at me, Because I’m looking at you too. Coy doesn’t suit you. You’re a woman used to taking what she wants. What makes this different? Come and take what you want Before someone else makes the move you won’t. You’ve gotten under my skin. I want to be between your legs. I want to touch you in all the places others have touched you In ways that they have never touched you. I want to be the reason for the sweat soaked sheets. I want to be the reason for the marks of possession. I want to be the reason for the sounds you make, But I don’t want to make you scream. Even an amateur can achieve such a task. Only a...

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Finding Normal (adults only)

Am I attracted to her? I suppose I must be, on some level. I wouldn’t even consider sleeping with her if I wasn’t. That’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to admit it. That’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to admit I’m about to let someone who’s a virtual stranger into my bed. I know it and my heart races a little as I wonder if she knows it too. She must. Our evening’s plans don’t start until eight. It’s a little before three now, and I’m expecting her at any moment. This will be only the fourth time I’m seeing her in person. We met through mutual friends and we’ve been chatting for a few months now. It wasn’t long before harmless banter and mild flirtations became something much more sexual. It wasn’t something I was consciously looking for, but subconsciously? I agreed to meet her. I guess a traditionalist would say that tonight is supposed to be our first date, but there’s nothing traditional about this. I want her. She wants me. And I have something to prove. I wouldn’t call myself a sexual being. Of course sex is important to me. I’m not dead. I’ve simply never gone looking for it. What little experience I have has always been within the confines of a relationship. Then I’m somewhat insatiable, but I’m also damaged. I like...

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On Possibly Living With Asperger’s Syndrome

I have a high incidence of mental illness in my family. Yes, you may now insert jokes about already knowing that here. The point is, it’s always something I’ve been concerned about. No one wants to know that there’s a ticking time bomb in their head just waiting to go off. This has made me very curious about how the mind works – my own in particular. As such, I’m always doing some test or the other online. By now I know that my IQ is supposedly around 130, my spirit animal is supposedly a wolf, and I was supposedly a Chihuahua in my last life. As you can tell, I don’t place much credence is such things. Sure, some of these have been illuminating. I’m also apparently an INFJ and I can see a lot of commonalities between myself and the description of the personality type. The one that really surprised me though was when I decided to take the screening test for Asperger’s Syndrome. Of course I didn’t think it would reveal anything. Sure, I had read up on the condition and it seemed eerily similar to me but I don’t like bandwagons. These days, everybody has something and Asperger’s seems to be the in thing. Supposedly afflicted characters like Reed from Criminal Minds and Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory are sufficiently popular that being like...

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